i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
