I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
