haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
