I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
