my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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