will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
