i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
