I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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