some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
