I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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