Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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