tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
