Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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