I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
