Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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