You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He better not be in your backpack
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
