He asked me if I "almost moaned"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
