So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
