Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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