he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
