SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't deserve a penis
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
