Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
