SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pooping to opera.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
