You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
