He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
