I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
