Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
