my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were trust falling into bushes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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