I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
sex in a hospital.. check
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
