You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
