Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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