my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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