i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
