why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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