My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
