it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
