i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
