??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
