I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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