I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
