Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I did not marry a roomba.
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