I seem to have left my pride at pride
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
