she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
