He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
