Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
