Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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