I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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