I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
