He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
