Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
