I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
