11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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